Archive for June, 2010

Put your tit away, I’m trying to eat!

{ June 29, 2010 @ 10:21 pm } · { Childfree, Idiot Breeders }
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So, I was in Costa today when some lady decided it’d be totally cool to whip her tit out and attach a baby to it. While I was eating. Not cool, lady!

Don’t get me wrong, I love nudity, and I love tits. But breastfeeding is one of those things that not everyone is cool with, and some people don’t understand that. I don’t need to like the idea of breastfeeding, and I don’t need to be ok with seeing it either. It was really freakin’ hot, and I’d have been happier topless, but I didn’t take my shirt off, because not everyone is comfortable with seeing a fat genderqueer without a shirt on, especially while they’re trying to eat. Breastfeeding totally ruins the idea of boobies for me. If I were ever to date a woman that wanted kids, or who had kids, regardless of the whole childfree issue, I’d be totally weirded out by her boobies from then on.

This event actually coincides with a story I’m sure you may have come across by now. The editor of some baby magazine said she didn’t want to breastfeed, as it made her uncomfortable, because her breasts are an important part of her sexuality. Of course, all the moomies are up in arms about it. How dare a woman want to have an identity outside of ‘mother’!

Let’s be honest, tits are pretty awesome. Even a lot of gay guys quite like tits. It’s the way of the world. And if you consider your breasts to be part of your sexuality, then that’s up to you. I’m genderqueer, and I still love my tits. I love that other people love my tits. And if I get really creeped out by the idea of a baby getting anywhere near my tits, that’s my business.

Why I don’t want a womb

{ June 17, 2010 @ 11:35 pm } · { Childfree, Mental Health }
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It turns out that I was indeed pregnant, but not by the man I thought I was. You see, I just had a miscarriage. I didn’t even know I was pregnant, and it seems it was about 8 weeks old before it died. I’m lucky not to have blood poisoning or something, as the doctor reckons it’d been in there for quite some time. Ew. Thankfully, I was already in the emergency room when it fell out of me, as I thought I’d had my drink spiked.

Knowing I was pregnant makes me feel disgusting, if I’m honest. I’m sure my stance on pregnancy and children is already clear, but there’s another reason why I don’t like having a fertile womb. It reminds me of my sex, in the chomosonical sense. My womb is part of my unwanted womanhood. Hell, just using the phrase ‘my womb’ makes me feel bad. I do not want this womb within me. I do not want an organ that is specifically female and for the use of harbouring fetuses. I consider myself genderqueer, leaning strongly to the male side when it comes to my body, and a womb is not right for that.

I need to have a doctor who will understand this. My womb is not wanted. Having it is distressing, and this miscarriage situation is just another horrible reminder of my internal situation. I have a doctor’s appointment due tomorrow, to discuss the possibility of a D&E, to clean out any remaining tissue, and I will bring up my unwanted internal organ then. Hopefully, he will finally listen.

Pregnancy scare!

{ June 11, 2010 @ 4:09 am } · { Childfree, Mental Health, Unrelated }
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As you might know, I’m a serial ‘back-to-back’ taker of birth control pills. However, due to a messed up sleep schedule lately, I’ve forgotten to take my pills a few times, and then forgotten that I forget them. Unfortunately, this has coincided with the dissolution of my previous relationship, the acquiring of a fuck buddy. I’ll spare you the salacious details, but let’s just say… mistakes were made. Why did I not use a condom, you ask? Well, put simply, it’s because I’m know I’m disease free because I was tested after my rape, and he’s disease free because he works in an environment where he needs to be tested regularly. And of course, believing I was protected against pregnancy, I had sans-condom sex with him. Now, I’m going to have to get a blood test. I don’t see much point in coming of the pills and seeing if I have a period, as I haven’t had one in so long, god knows how my body is going to cope when I come off! Besides, periods make me get spotty. So, we’ll see, dear friends, if I am in fact pregnant, and whether or not an NHS abortion doctor is going to be due a patient.

As far as Insanity News © goes, I’m pretty stable at the moment. Apart from brief interludes of googling suicide methods, I’m getting on with my life a bit better. The fuck buddy is making me feel good about myself, my tattoo-in-progress looks great, and I’m going out on the weekends and meeting great new people. That being said, my sleep schedule is all over the bloody place at the moment, and I don’t know why. Hence why I’m updating my blog at 5 am and eating gingerbread.

In other news, there’s a whole bunch of BS going down in america at the moment in Oklahoma, regarding abortion laws. If you’re in the US, get protesting folks!

And one last things, my readers, I’ll be starting a new blog soon, called ‘Experiments with Leftovers’. It shall be a food blog, detailing my efforts in cooking with what I can find left in my cupboard when nobody has been shopping for weeks. Yesterday, for example, I made an omlette using Old El Paso chilli seasoning and some slightly stale cheddar. I enjoy cooking with left overs, and I can get quite creative. I make pretty good ‘whatever’s in the fridge’ stir frys too! So, keep your eyes peeled, for soon my culinary attempts will be found online.

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